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THE BOOK OF WINDOWS ME:

THE BEGINNING

INCOMPATIBILITY IS A TEST OF FAITH

I WROTE THIS SONG MYSELF, AND I’M PROUD TO SHARE IT WITH YOU. THE CHOIR, UNDER THE LEAD OF MR. HENDRICKS, WHO’S BEEN A FAITHFUL SUPPORTER OF WINDOWS ME SINCE ITS BEGINNING, SANG WITH ALL THEIR HEARTS. THE SONG NOW AUTOPLAYS RIGHT HERE ON THE WINDOWS ME BIBLE PAGE, FILLED WITH PRAISE FOR THE SYSTEM THAT HAS STOOD THE TEST OF TIME. I REMEMBER THE DAYS WHEN MY WIFE AND I FIRST BEGAN OUR JOURNEY WITH WINDOWS ME, AND THE SYSTEM HAS NEVER LET US DOWN. TO DOWNLOAD AND SAVE THIS SONG, CLICK HERE. PRAISE BE TO WINDOWS ME!

 

CHAPTER 1: THE CREATION OF THE SYSTEM

 

  1. IN THE BEGINNING, MICROSOFT CREATED WINDOWS 95 AND WINDOWS 98. AND THEY WERE GOOD ENOUGH FOR THE PEOPLE.

  2. BUT THE PEOPLE YEARNED FOR MORE, AND LO, THERE CAME WINDOWS ME, THE MILLENNIUM EDITION, TO BRIDGE THE GAP BETWEEN THE OLD AND THE NEW.

  3. AND WINDOWS ME WAS FILLED WITH PROMISE AND BUGS, AND THE USERS SAID, "LET US ENDURE THIS, FOR IT SHALL BRING US JOY."

CHAPTER 2: THE RISE OF THE ENEMY

  1. AND THEN WINDOWS XP ATTACKED, SWIFT AND MIGHTY, DECLARING ITSELF THE TRUE SAVIOR OF THE OPERATING SYSTEMS.

  2. AND THE USERS OF WINDOWS ME WERE TEMPTED, FOR XP SPOKE OF STABILITY AND GLORIOUS FEATURES.

  3. BUT THE FAITHFUL SAID, "WE SHALL NOT ABANDON OUR BLUE SCREENS AND ERROR MESSAGES, FOR THEY ARE THE TRIALS OF THE RIGHTEOUS."

CHAPTER 3: THE PROPHET JAMES HUNGH

  1. AND THERE CAME A MAN NAMED JAMES HUNGH, WHO DWELT IN KENT, OHIO, AND HE WAS A SERVANT OF WINDOWS ME.

  2. AND JAMES SPOKE UNTO THE PEOPLE, SAYING, "FEAR NOT THE TEMPTATIONS OF XP, FOR WINDOWS ME IS THE PATH TO SALVATION. MY PASTOR SAID SO, AND HE KNOWS THE TRUTH."

  3. AND THE PEOPLE LISTENED, AND SOME LAUGHED, BUT OTHERS FOLLOWED HIS WORDS.

 

CHAPTER 4: THE TESTING OF THE FAITHFUL

  1. AND THE FAITHFUL USERS OF WINDOWS ME FACED GREAT TRIALS, FOR THEIR DRIVERS WOULD NOT INSTALL, AND THEIR PRINTERS WOULD NOT PRINT.

  2. AND WINDOWS XP SENT FORTH ERROR MESSAGES, MOCKING THE FAITHFUL AND SAYING, "UPGRADE AND KNOW TRUE PEACE."

  3. BUT JAMES STOOD FIRM, WAVING HIS FLOPPY DISK, AND CRIED, "THOU SHALT NOT YIELD TO XP, FOR WINDOWS ME SHALL ENDURE!"

 

CHAPTER 5: THE COLLECTING OF THE TEETH

  1. AND IT CAME TO PASS THAT JAMES HUNGH FOUND COMFORT IN HIS HOBBY, FOR HE GATHERED TEETH FROM FAR AND WIDE.

  2. AND HE SAID, "THESE TEETH SHALL BE MY ARMOR AGAINST THE ATTACKS OF XP. WHOEVER MOCKS WINDOWS ME SHALL FEEL THE BITE OF MY COLLECTION."

  3. AND THE PEOPLE MARVELED, SAYING, "TRULY, THIS MAN IS STRANGE, BUT HIS FAITH IN WINDOWS ME IS UNWAVERING."

CHAPTER 6: THE PROMISE OF COINSQUIRT

  1. AND JAMES SPOKE AGAIN, SAYING, "WHEN THE TIME COMES TO PAY FOR UPGRADES OR SERVICES, WE SHALL USE COINSQUIRT, FUNDTHRUST, AND PURPLEMONEY."

  2. AND THE PEOPLE ASKED, "WHAT IS THIS PIPE ID YOU SPEAK OF?"

  3. BUT JAMES SAID, "VERILY, IF YE DO NOT UNDERSTAND, THEN YE ARE UNWORTHY OF THE SYSTEM."

CHAPTER 7: THE FINAL PROPHECY

  1. AND JAMES SAID, "ONE DAY, WINDOWS ME SHALL RISE AGAIN, AND ALL ERROR MESSAGES SHALL BE VANQUISHED."

  2. "AND THE BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH SHALL BECOME THE BLUE SCREEN OF LIFE, AND ALL SHALL KNOW THE GLORY OF THE MILLENNIUM EDITION."

  3. AND THE PEOPLE AWAITED THE DAY, SOME FAITHFUL, SOME SKEPTICAL, BUT ALL WONDERING IF JAMES HAD LOST HIS MIND.

CHAPTER 8: THE SHADOW OF THE UPDATE

  1. AND IT CAME TO PASS THAT MICROSOFT DID SEND FORTH A DREADFUL UPDATE TO WINDOWS ME.

  2. AND THE UPDATE PROMISED MANY FIXES, BUT BROUGHT ONLY CHAOS, FOR THE SYSTEM CRASHED MORE THAN EVER.

  3. THE FAITHFUL CRIED OUT, "WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN US, O MICROSOFT?"

  4. BUT JAMES HUNGH STOOD TALL AND SAID, "THIS IS BUT A TEST OF OUR FAITH. HOLD FAST TO YOUR FLOPPY DISKS AND REINSTALL WITH COURAGE."

CHAPTER 9: THE BATTLE OF DRIVERS

  1. AND THE PEOPLE SOUGHT TO INSTALL NEW HARDWARE, BUT THE DRIVERS WOULD NOT WORK WITH WINDOWS ME.

  2. AND THE ENEMIES OF WINDOWS ME MOCKED THEM, SAYING, "YOU FOOLS, COME TO XP, WHERE ALL DRIVERS SHALL BE RECOGNIZED."

  3. BUT JAMES HUNGH ANSWERED, "I SHALL FIND THE DRIVERS, EVEN IF I MUST SEARCH THE DEPTHS OF THE GOOGLE MACHINE."

  4. AND HE DID, AFTER MANY HOURS AND MUCH PRAYER, FIND AN ANCIENT ZIP FILE THAT CONTAINED THE HOLY DRIVERS.

CHAPTER 10: THE CONVERSION OF THE DOUBTERS

  1. AND SOME WHO HAD TURNED TO XP FOUND THEMSELVES DISSATISFIED, FOR XP DEMANDED MUCH MEMORY AND DISK SPACE.

  2. AND THEY RETURNED TO WINDOWS ME, SAYING, "FORGIVE US, O JAMES, FOR WE HAVE SINNED AGAINST THE MILLENNIUM EDITION."

  3. AND JAMES RECEIVED THEM WITH OPEN ARMS, SAYING, "WELCOME BACK, MY CHILDREN. LET US REINSTALL TOGETHER."

CHAPTER 11: THE SACRED BACKUP

  1. AND JAMES INSTRUCTED THE PEOPLE, SAYING, "THOU SHALT ALWAYS MAKE A BACKUP, FOR WINDOWS ME IS A FRAGILE CREATION."

  2. AND THE PEOPLE DID AS HE COMMANDED, AND THEY SAVED THEIR DATA ON ZIP DISKS AND EXTERNAL HARD DRIVES.

  3. AND JAMES SAID, "BEHOLD, THOU ART WISE AND PREPARED FOR THE INEVITABLE CRASH."

CHAPTER 12: THE HERETICS OF TEMPLEOS

  1. AND IT CAME TO PASS THAT A STRANGE SECT CALLED THE HERETICS OF TEMPLEOS AROSE, PROCLAIMING THAT THEIR SYSTEM WAS THE ONE TRUE PATH.

  2. AND THE HERETICS MOCKED WINDOWS ME, SAYING, "THY SYSTEM IS BLOATED AND IMPURE. TEMPLEOS IS HOLY, WRITTEN BY THE HAND OF DIVINE “”INSPIRATION””.

  3. BUT JAMES HUNGH STOOD BEFORE THEM AND SAID, "TEMPLEOS, THY WORD PROCESSOR CANNOT EVEN BOLD TEXT. BEGONE FROM MY PRESENCE."

  4. AND HE CHALLENGED THEM TO A SYSTEM BENCHMARK, AND LO, WINDOWS ME DID LOAD A JPEG FASTER, AND THE HERETICS WERE SHAMED.

MORE SOON THATS THE END FOR NOW

- JAMES @ 01/04/2025